My gorgeous man. The man that has made me feel deserving; one that has pampered me expecting nothing in return. You make me feel loved. My Dearest, you’ve shown me that I can trust without losing myself in the process. You’ve also shown me that I can let go, give into myself and lose control without everything falling to pieces.
Dearest, you’ve shown me that you are amazing. I want you; even more than you realize. I grow anxious when we’re apart, I can’t wait for our next meeting and I want to be near you just because. But I can’t do that. I can’t give in. I said it from the beginning and I feel that I have to say it again: drugs are a deal-breaker for me. I cannot deal with addiction. I’m sorry. Whenever I’m with you it’s hard to keep myself in check for my feelings. I forget every flaw and feel eternally forgiving, but I must come to my senses and remember why we’re doomed to fail; why, for my sake, my heart must break.
I’ve been looking for my path in life, and also who to share it with; and as time goes by, I become more demanding of my future partner. I have big dreams and I shouldn’t have to sacrifice them. I want to travel and I want to live somewhere else, if possible. I want to make enough money for myself so that I can share with the rest. I want to learn how to invest wisely, I want to further my education, I want to be involved in teaching and I want to do volunteer work. I also want to write and publish novels and poetry; I want to sing and have a standing ovation, I want to dance and feel free. I want to be free! But… to choose a life partner who has an addiction is choosing to abandon my dreams of freedom.
That is the truth. From the depths of my soul I wish you didn’t have this flaw; your fatal flaw, and I’m not willing to risk my life on it. I’m sorry. I really am, because, if it weren’t for this, you would be my man, my first choice to ever last. No questions asked.